Posts

Fine, Dammit: Confessions of a Sought-After Sleepmate

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"He just wants to get into bed with you." I've heard this time and time again. (Said to women, of course, not to me.) Men everywhere have been culturally expected to get into bed with attractive women for centuries. But, here's the thing: It's the 21st century, baby. Toxic masculinity is coming to an end. The tables are turning. And, unfortunately someone told my girlfriend. Future author C.J. Wood cannot get out of my bed. C.J. would rather sit at a 90-degree angle in my bed than anywhere else in my apartment. And if you could see my couch, you'd know she had great options. When she goes fully horizontal, she hasn't been shy about wanting me with her.  Now I'll answer the question you've wondered since you found this blog: why kind of guy doesn't want to sleep with his girlfriend? What would stop him? One word: standards.  It's not that I don't want any girls in my bed. It's that I don't want just any...

Women are Cooler than Men. Scientifically.

But actually that's not completely true. At the core - women are hotter than men. Scientifically. Women have a higher core body temperature than men (even higher when on birth control because hormones & fluctuates during menstruation because hormones). Meaning they are more sensitive to cooler temperatures than men to begin with. (Average core temperatures of men versus women: 97.8 degrees versus 97.4.) ((fun fact: buildings, especially office buildings, are set to be more comfortable for the temperature of men because they were set in the 60s when women weren't really there to complain.)) Women's extremities are colder (By about three degrees - 90 degrees for men and 87.2 degrees for women.) Because women's bodies are actually better at conserving heat than men. Their bodies pull the heat back to their organs to conserve warmth when it is cold. So though more women die because of the cold than men annually - it is actually scientifically more likely for men...

Work Ethic.

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One of the things I like about myself is my awesome work ethic and dedication to my job. Or my objective at least. I guess I'm good at prioritizing. Priorities that show my obvious WORK ETHIC: 10. Listening to musicals at work 9. Winning (hopefully) work projects at work 8. Listening to podcasts at work 7. Reading pretentious books at work 6. Being opinionated at work 5. BSing top ten lists at work 4. Listening to albums at work 3. Convincing my boyfriend to sleep with me (the convincing part done at work ) 2. Sleeping with you, dammit. (I work it when I'm off the clock.) 1. "Sleeping" with you, dammit. (You work it when you're off the clock too.)

A New Solution I Give Unto You

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In the spring of 1956 a middle-aged father (only 36 years of age) went to chaperone his son's high school dance. As he and his wife Helen began to prepare themselves for this opulent event, this father, Nicholas McKay, Sr. (affectionately called Nick, but not by me because I never met him), needed to look dapper. He needed to clean his suit. So he took some masking tape and a paper roll and some wire to revolutionarily clean the lint (and no doubt his wife's hairs) from his suit. Nicholas McKay, Sr. This story may seem just like any other story. But it's actually really much better than any other story. Because it was from this monumental event that Nicholas McKay, Sr. conceived the idea of a lint roller. Now, many American homes have lint rollers, and are much better for it! A lint roller or lint remover, as we know it today, is a roll of one-sided adhesive paper on a cardboard or plastic barrel that is mounted on a central spindle, with an attached handle. The ...

IMBd Reviews: Natasha Gets Fired

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FILM : "Natasha Gets Fired" PRODUCERS : Robert Poffenberger DISTRIBUTER : LDS Mission DIRECTOR : Robert Poffenberger WRITER : Robert Poffenberger CAST : A bunch of missionaries, including Robert Poffenberger SYNPOSIS: A team of young professionals is selected to perform an important task, only to not meet expectations and suffer the consequences to a deadly result. Rating : M (for Mormon) Genre : Drama, Suspense, Comedy Runtime : (can't remember and am on work computer) The film is ordinary in its technique, nothing screams for attention. In fact, the film feels like it could have been made by a group of amateurs. However, this cinematographic style serves to make the story more engrossing. There are moments when Poffenberger, playing a young CEO, has the camera self facing, as if taking a selfie, to do the filming. By presenting this story in such a raw and intimate form, it ends up being an entirely believable portrayal of a workplace dilemma. The sh...

Haircut Solution

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The following pictures were submitted by the Bro as evidence of haircuts that were "mutually enjoyed by the shaven and their partners." My team deems this information critical to this case. My team, however, dismisses some of the statement given. Namely, that a haircut is an assertion of protagonist character. There are too many examples of the two not being mutually inclusive attributes. And Evey actually seems quite distraught about her haircut.  Another point Cassidy would like to bring up is that Thor doesn't seem to mind Natalie's long hair. IMPORTANT: Cassidy has not outruled the option of a haircut. She simply is considering the options. 

Prevention/Solution

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Many temporary forms of hair loss are avoidable.   Excessive hair washing, using a lot of heat to style hair, or pulling hair back into tight hairstyles can cause damage that will lead to hair breaking mid-strand. Also, touching, rubbing, twirling, or in otherwise fondling hair are common habits that can cause damage to hair.   Cassidy will commit to: Not doing these things unless she wants to or forgets.   Many forms of stress can trigger telogen effluvium (hair loss) as well. Livestrong.com says, "encourage your girlfriend to wear her hair down and natural, and help her find ways to relax." Cassidy will commit to: Allowing Robby to give  her more back massages to help her relax so her hair doesn't fall out. A picture of Cassidy with flowers in the 10% of her hair that is waiting to fall out: